I miss her

I have been trying to get up the strength to write about my dog. My childhood dog. The BEST dog any person could ever ask for. She passed away right before Christmas and I have not been able to write about her without the tears and the sick stomach. Well today my Mom wrote about Abby (click here). She wrote for me, for my sister, for herself. That is all I needed. Someone else to write the for me. Her pictures are beautiful. You never know how it feels to loose a pet until it happens. I did not understand when Zak lost his childhood dog. When Kristen lost her childhood dog. As the tears formed in their eyes. I did not understand. Now I can not stop my tears. I get it. It hurts. I was 11 years old. Now I am 25. I loved her for soooo long. Now, now she is gone. The day my mom told me I tried to hold it together. I tried. I tried. I tried. I lost. I couldn't. It hurt. I was am sad. As my chica sat in the back of the car. Looking at me with those beautiful eyes. She so badly wanted to ask if I was ok. She didn't. I told her anyways. Mommy is ok. Just a little sad. I let her know that when she goes back to her NuNu's house Abby wont be there. She tells me it is ok. Then she stares at me some more. I could see her wanting to ask. I didn't want her to. I didn't want to loose it. I just wanted to drive. I looked at her in the rear view mirror. Here it came.. what I thought was going to be questions of why and where and how. I could not explain right then. Little did I know that I was about to have the most adult conversation I have ever had with a 3 year old.

Mady: Why are you still sad Mommy
Me: I will miss Abby
Mady: I don't cry when I miss some one
Me: Right, but we wont see Abby again. (talking short sentences trying to keep myself together)
Mady: But you will see her again in Heaven
Me: You are right. I will
Mady: Because people in people Heaven can visit dogs in dog Heaven
Me: They sure can
Mady: (then with pure excitement) and Abby gets to see God, and Jesus, and Mary and Joseph
Me: Yea, I bet she does (I smile, how lucky of her to get to meet them)
Mady: but Abby will be ok
Me: you are right Abby will be ok
Mady: I love you Mommy
Me: I love you too

This is why we have children. Not so that we can teach them. Not to continue the cycle of life. Not to have a person to give all of our love. But for a child to speak with God in their words to remind us that life and death are joyful. To give us a outlook out of pure innocent eyes. To be told the right things without knowing or trying. I heard God that day. I saw an angle he sent me. Blond hair, Green eyes, Pure heart. Abby, I will see you again one day. Have fun in doggie Heaven.