First Day

 

Today was the first day of Pre-K {at a new school} and of course it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. It has been 30 mins since I left her at a new school with new teachers and new kids, and I can’t even being my own homework while thinking about what she is doing. We met her teacher last night who seems to be great. We saw her classroom, met other parents/kids, and even made sure we she knew where the bathroom was. She seemed calm and excited, I seemed calm and excited.

Parents could drop them off at the PreK drop off or take them in. Of course I wanted to walk her in but she thought the car line would be cool soooo, the car line we did. If you are there before 7:45, the kids go to a classroom and wait until time to go to their class room. They said they would have someone walk the kids where they are supposed to go. As I pull up 5 mins early, first one in line.. The lady opens the door and takes her out, all I get is a “BYE” and off she goes. I didn’t see anyone else inside the door to walk her, I didn’t get to kiss her bye, she was just gone. I drove away for the car line, the drove from the school, then decided I had to go back. Was she upset that she didn’t tell me “Bye” with a kiss like that one time in preschool last year? Was she standing there alone unsure of where to go. Would she be quite and just stand there or actually talk to someone and ask for help? Yea, I had to go back. The line was long this time, all I kept saying was PLEASE God, let there be a parking spot for me. Please God. Of course, God is good, and there was a parking spot. Shoot, I have on a tshirt from the place in Hawaii that I got a tattoo. Is that ok to wear inside a Christian School? Oh well, I’m going in anyways. I walk into her hallway and see the group of kids in the random classroom. As I step in front of a few kids talking with a teacher, I look in and don’t see her. Then as I turn around she is right behind me. Standing in the group of kids I pushed to the side to look for her. She looks up at me and smiles slightly. HER teacher was the teacher talking to them. She was talking to my chica telling her she would go in that classroom and she would come get her and the other students when it was time. She was probably confused why I was and how I was standing there in front of her, but she was too busy listening to her teacher. I saw the slight nervous look on her face. After her teacher told her to go in, I grabbed her for my kiss goodbye. She smiled slightly and went in. She was nervous (who wouldn’t be at a new school on the first day) I could tell. I saw it in her eyes. She didn’t talk. She was twiddling her fingers. I hate that she is nervous. I get nervous, I am nervous, and that feeling is so unsettling. I don’t want her to be nervous, but that is who she is and she will be fine. She is always fine.

As I drove away, it hit me once again. That choked up feeling. Trying my BEST not to let the tears stream down my face I took deep breaths. It didn’t work. I cried. I realized I didn’t tell her that her school supplies were in her backpack. Shoot! So then I pray. Pray that her nerves settle, that she makes friends, that she doesn’t get lost anywhere. The, what I consider, normal prayers that any parents has for the child on the first day of school. I called Zak to hear is strong encouraging words. The words I look for when my life or my moments seem anything other than joyful. He is soooo cool calm and collective. There are times I question why God gave me a man that thinks everything in life is ok or will be ok. Then I have moments like this morning when I know that is why I have him. Life is and will always be ok, he believes that always and although it drives me crazy sometimes, it is the only thing I need at other times. He sounded like he was expecting me to call him, go figure, he knows me well. I don’t know what I would do with out my husband. Always being everything I need at moments I can’t seem to pull it together. He pulls me together.

What I really want? I want her home with me. I want to play barbies or color. I want to watch Hanna Montana while we eat breakfast together. All those mornings of just hanging out are over. I want to be at school with her. I want to make sure she knows where she is going, what she is doing, and that it is ok to talk to others. She seems way too little to be in school. I have to trust people I don’t know that they will understand, care, and protect my small shy little girl. This SUCKS. I am ready to go get her but I have to wait. WAIT 3 hours and 20 mins until I get her. Thank goodness I didn’t decide to do full days this year. This is going to be the longest 3 hours and 20, 19, mins of my life.

So, if you are reading this and it is before 12:00 on Tuesday 8.14.12, please say a little prayer for her. If you know her, you know the things you should pray for. If you don’t know her, pray the things you would for your own child.