It has been almost 4 years since my life changed in ways I never imagined. Almost 4 years since I laid in the hospital bed holding my little chica. My mom has always told my sister and I our birthstory on our birthdays. Now, being 25 and having a child of my own, I feel it is time for me to share Madyson's birth story. Not just so that I can remember as the years pass, but so that she will know. Word for word, moment for moment. (I actually wrote this down in a notebook within the first few months of her being born. I have read it once or twice and when I went to find it to read it again, I couldn't find the notebook. My heart dropped. Not that I will ever forget the moment she was born. But I will forget the feelings of her being born. The details. I know I will forget the details. As I was cleaning this week, I FOUND THE NOTEBOOK. I screamed with delight. Zak running in to see what was wrong as I held the notebook tight against my chest. Repeating over and over, I found it. I found it) I tucked it away in my room with the computer so that when I had a chance I could put it on here. On the internet to always be out there when I or anyone could find it. So that I could never loose it again.
I do have tons more pictures but they are on my external harddrive and right now, I just want to type this out, I'll update pictures later on.
My Little Chica's Birth Story
August 12th
5:10 pm
MJS
7.12 lbs
19.5 inches
Being pregnet for the first time had its ups and downs. I wish I had known how much I would miss that round belly of mine. I have a little regret now of not embracing my belly. The pregnancy was great. Other than a few morning sickness epoisodes
which dont have to always be in the morning might I add. The closer you get to your due date, the more the doctor wants to see you. Then it become a once a week thing.
I went for my appointment on August 2nd. Everything was fine. The heartbeat sounded great. I could sit for hours and listen to that little sound of boom boom.. boom boom.. boom boom! She was moving around non stop for that appointment and the Nurse even made a comment about how squirmy she was being. After the check up, my Dr. always had me go into his office to talk. Why we didn't talk in the room, I have no idea.. but the office was inviting and cozy. As I plopped my self in the chair with my big belly pushing me backwards aginst the back of the chair. He smiled. He told me that he was worried that she would be to big to push out. I have a tilted uterus (I am not sure if this has anything to do with me pushing) but he felt like she was big enough and develpoed enough that we could induce. He said he wanted to try and avoid a c-section and if I waited, he was not sure if I would be able to push her our. Although her head and other measurements still said I had about 24 more days to go, it was my decision if I wanted to have her now. (I LOVED THIS MOMENT! I am a person of planning. Not knowing when I would go into labor freaked me out. At the mall? In church? At home by myself. It made me uneasy. I had been praying for them to at least put me in the hospital or for me to go into labor durning one of my doctor visits.
This is the first prayer God answered for me during Madyson's actual Birth ) Dr. asked me if I was alright with being induced and began to explain sort of what would happen. I am so ready I tell him! We look at the calender, he gets his nurse to call the hospital and check for next week. {Understandably}He did not take babies earlier than 38 weeks. (another plus of being induced is you are garunteed to have your baby at the hospital you were hoping for with the Doctor you are wanting) They have an opening for August 10th. A week from Friday.
A WEEK!! Ok, sounds good to me I tell him while holding back my excitment.
I remember walking to the front desk where I usually make the next appointment and smiling. Telling the front desk lady that my next appointment would consist of me having a baby!! I remember walking out of the doctors office, down the hall of the building, through the front doors, while again, trying to hold back the now shock of just a week away! It was hot this day, the sun beating down on me as I pulled my phone out of my purse and called my mom. "A week. Like as in next friday" I told her. At this point I think I started to get nervous and still in shock, but my heart was so happy.. and again nervous. I hang up with her and call Zak. "So, I went to my appointment. Do you think you could get off for next weekend?" Yea. he says. Why? (that cracks me up to this day! WHY?... H.e.l.l.o!) Because they want to induce me on Friday night. Really?
(no not really.. YES REALLY..
He has never been one to say much.) Yep. Then the excitment sets back in. I begin to talk. ALOT. Can you believe we are going to be parents. OMG she is going to be here in a week. A WEEK. Do we have everything. I need to make sure my bag is packed. Are you ready? I hope she is ok. I hope it doesn't hurt. Oh I am so scared it is going to hurt real bad. I want drugs. If they ask if I want drugs.. I want the drugs. I need to make sure I shave before I have her. After listening to me go on and on about the worries I have, he calmy says he needs to get back to work. The rest of my day was spent sitting at home. Sitting there rubbing my belly. I would walk into her room, look at her empty crib and the perfectly hung tiny clothes. Trying to imagine a baby MY BABY, laying there in it. When he got home he was smiling ear to ear. It was the smile that calms me. The smile that lets me know he is is excited and knows everything is going to be perfect.
The week following was kind of a blur. All I could do, think about, and talk about was my last day as a pregnant person. My last week of having moments alone. The days went by fast yet so slow.
Fast Forward
August 10th 2007
Zak and I are supposed to be at the hospital at midnight. It felt like the weirdest thing though. Just walking around that day knowing I was going to have a baby in the next 24 hours. Going on about my day when really this day was not like any other day. It was the last day of Zak and I just being us two.
We went by the gas station on the way to the Hospital. I decided to go in since it was my last walk with this belly of mine in public anywhere. The clerk asked what our plans where for the night (I assume to make small talk) and I very nonshalauntly said. Going to have a baby. GOING TO HAVE A BABY. As I walked out of the gas station, got in the car, I laughed. When I get this excited and nervousness that is so much I cant cry (since I can cry at everything) I laugh. I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY.. We pull into the hospital and now, now my stomach is in knots. Goodness I hate the unknown. I hate the first experiences of things when you have no earthly idea what is going to happen.
I always wondered if she could feel when my stomach was in knots. That night, I am sure she felt every bit of it. They were not just knots of ok here we go. They were knots of, OK HERE WE GO, wait, where do we go? What do we do? Where do we sign in at? All the unknown! UGH I hate the unknown!! We check in. I walk into this HUGE HUGE room. This is my room. the bed, the little babybed thing. The couch that Zak was already putting his stuff on. This was the room that I would be pregnant in, the room I would become a mom in, the room that I would see and hold my baby for the first time. (So I thought) I undressed, got in the bed, they hooked me up to monitors. Then they did an IV. The iv hurt. it was in my right wrist.(
I actually still have a scar from it 4 years later) That dang IV was in the way all night long.My mom came. I felt so much safer when my mom got there. Not that my husband and the doctor didn't make me feel safe.. but she is my mom.. I tried to get some rest and I think I did sleep some but with the nurses coming in and checking on me, with Mady moving, and the excitment within myself. Sleep wasnt really on my mind.
August 11th, 2007
(not the best photo and the quality of the pic makes it look worse than what it really is)
They came in around 6:30 am. It was supposed to be 6:00 but they were late. I noted this becuase when it hit 6:00, I waited. I waited and waited and it took forever before they came. At 6:30 they started the potassium.. I actually could feel it going in my vains the first little bit. This was it. This was what was going to change my life. This little dripping bag hanging above me running into my arm. All day I felt contractions. Some stronger than others. Some I could handle. others I had to be still and moan through. Zak rubbing my back. My mom rubbing my hair. Zak was quite all day. He is always quite. but I know his quiteness and this was different. He did as asked when asked, he drank more coffee that I think they had in the entire hospital. But he was quite. Nervous. Anxious. He is not a nervous anxious person, this was not often. Only the 2nd time I have seen him quite in his eyes. (other than the day we were finding out what we were having) I say in his eyes because although he isn't a "talker" his emotaion is always evident in his eyes. They put in this white paper looking thing with a string looking thing (from what I could see) to help me dialate or soften my cervix (not really sure what for) and the first one kept slipping. After the second one was in, they said it was a waiting game. The day progressed and I remember the huge sunflowers that sat just underneath where her coming home dress was hung. I remember the tv in the upper left corner and the board that had the nurses name written on it. The day continued to pass and I was only 1 cm. dialated. ALL DAY with nothing to eat but ice. and I was only 1 cm Dialated. I remember so clearly when they came in to check me. This lady nurse. And as she is sticking her fingers in me, I felt nothing by pain. PAIN. I pretty much crawled backwards up the bed away from her. Tears rolling down my face. Lets just say I didn't have her check me anymore. They took me off the potasium late that night and said get some rest, we will start it in the morning again. This night I slept. I was tired, I woke up with contractions a few times but I slept.
August 12, 2007
Then here they come 6:30 am. Lets go at it again I am thinking! The drip starts, the contractions are stronger than the day before. I dialted... a half a cm. GEEZ. Will I ever have this baby? I wait half the day with this bag hanging over me dripping. Drip, drip, drip.. I watched the monitors as they went up and down. I watched her heart beat. I patiently waited but still only half a cm dialated. This baby was not ready to come out. My body was not ready for her to come out. I guess the Doctors worries of not being able to push her out if we went full term didn't really matter to her. She didn't get the memo that now was the time to come. She was cozy and wanted to keep baking. Sorry baby.. If only I had known, I would have waited.
The Dr. comes in around 2:30 and says. well we have a choice. This is not going very fast and sometimes it doesn't. We can keep going through the night, and then hope to have a baby tomorrow OR we can do a c section. I think we should do the c section but it is up to you. I SMILE. (
second prayer God answered) While I was resting and sleeping the night before, God and I talked. I secretly prayed that I would have a csection. (ok, so I prayed this many times before the night before also) I know it sounds weird since most people want to give birth naturally. They want to experience the (mother) birthing part of it all. I didn't. I had a feeling for months I would have a csection. I don't care about feeling a baby come out of me. I don't care about having to be cut to get the baby out. I don't think it makes me any less of a mother the way I bring the baby into the world. As long as she and I are healthy, I am happy. So, like I said. God and I talked. When the DR gave me a choice. I SMILED. Lets get this baby out of me I am thinking. I said, alright.. lets go for it! So he tells me that he will see me in about 2 hours. Off the potassium, monitors still hooked up, watching my mom call Lauren so she doesn't have to sit by herself. I remember it all so well. I remember the couch my mom was sitting on as she calmly pulled out her phone. I remember Zak standing there unsure of what was going to happen next. those 2 hours went by so fast. Nurses in and out, handing Zak things to get dressed into. Taking monitors off and hooking other ones up. I had a huge feeling of relief come over me. Thank goodness I don't have to push this baby out of me. Thank goodness. Not at anytime did I feel nervous about having them cut me open. I was ready!
Around 4:30 the nurses and Dr. came in. He asked if I was ready. YES I AM! Alright well I will see you in a few min. and we will have a baby! The cute outfit they gave Zak so he could go in with me still sticks in my mind. They put my hair in a net, unhooked the monitors, and walked me down the hallway. I HAD TO WALK DOWN THE HALLWAY. What happen to the wheelchairs I saw on A Baby's Story on TLC?
This is where it gets very real in my memories. Like it was yesterday. From the smell of the hallway to the walls I walked by. I turned left and went down a small hallway. Zak was told to sit on this bed in the hallway and wait until he could come in. I walk into the room. The huge white room. White walls, white lights, white bed, EVERYTHING WHITE. I remember thinking why is it all white? Doesn't the white get dirty easy. It was making me dizzy. That or maybe the adrenaline was making my dizzy. I saw this cute nurse doctor standing by my bed. Thankfully he was cute, it was a moment of thought that did not consist of what was about to happen. He sits me down and says we have to numb you. Just like an epidural except it numbs you all the way. He tells me to lean into his chest and squeeze if it hurts. To tell him if one of my legs starts to tingle. I remember gripping his arms leaning into him and OUCH! Then my leg starts to tingle. I tell him, they have to take the needle out and start again. I am squeezing this guys arms as he is so calmly talking to me. your going to have a baby real soon. Just calming me down as if there is not a huge ass needle going into my back. As if they are not about to cut me open. As if this is just like another day at the dentist. It worked though. He calmed me. He will never know how vivid he is to me. How much he helped me since my husband was not there to hold me. He held his arms around me as I squeezed for what seemed like way to long! Then he laied me back. I am laying there on my back kind of looking around. trying to move my legs. Not being able to feel them poke my feet. I start to feel like I am about to black out. Everything white is now turning black. I tell the cute nurse guy and he tilts the bed sideways a little. He says that is normal and the baby could be laying on a nerve. Not to worry, they can do this while I am tilted. That was a close one! The bed being tilted made a world of a difference. Everything came back to being white, crisp, and clear.
I hear them say where is the Dad? WHAT? WHERE IS THE DAD? I say out loud, he is in the hallway. Is he not there? WTH did they really lose the dad? Then he walks in. Wide eyed. I will never forget the look in his eyes. Being that is all I could see since he had a mask on and a hair net on. But his eyes Huge, until his met mine. Then his eyes smiled, I am sure his mouth did too but like I said, he had on a mask. He sat down. Quite. Leaned in, kissed me through the mask, asked if I was ok, and then turned WHITE. As white as everything else in that room. All I could say is "are you alright? Don't look around.. Look at me. Don't pass out. Are you ok." He smiles again at me and doesn't take his eyes off me. I think looking at me kept him from passing out himself. Eyes locked. Waiting..
I hear the doctors and nurses talking, I feel them pushing and pulling, but it was all background stuff to me. I just lay there. It seemed like just 3 seconds. I know it took longer than that. So much happened and was said by the doctors that it HAD to take longer than 3 seconds but before I knew it I heard my Dr. say. I see a head full of hair. Here comes the baby. ITS A BEAUTIFUL GIRL. She is beautiful another nurse says. 5:10 pm. Happy Birthday the nurse says. Then they hold her up.
Eyes closed, lips puckered, chin quivering. Her head full of dark hair, her little fist clinched. She didn't have all the blood and gunk on her like some of the babies in the TLC shows. Beautiful. Tiny and so beautiful. That is MY BABY! Then they take her away to clean her up. SHE CRIES. This little sound comes from this tiny baby.?? I motion Zak to go. GO look at her, I am fine. Go take a picture, go touch her, go see your daughter. (I wish I could have seen him standing there looking at her)
(this is one of two pictures Zak took after she came out. Still in the Operating room)
I am laying there as the Dr is still doing whatever he is doing then I hear SPLASH. Ewww . I don't know what that was and I didn't ask but it splashed onto the floor with a gush. Ewww. (Now I know it was the insides and stuff) Zak walks back to me and I ask him. Does she have that tape looking thing on her face? (referring to an ultra sound) He laughs and says no. She is perfect. She has dark hair. 7 lbs 12 oz. The nurse says. 19.5 inches long. Mom, are you ready for your baby? OH AM I READY!! They place her next to me in Zak's arms. I kiss her. He kisses her. His eyes. That moment I fell in love all over again. The way he looked at her. Love just gleaming out of his eyes. Then he looks at me and smiles. They sewed me up during all this and had taken the white curtain down. They put her in my arms after tilting my bed up. I held her. For the first time I held her in my arms. She had been in my belly all this time. Now she is in my arms. They start rolling me down the hallway and I remember looking down the hallway at my Mom and Lauren. I am pretty sure my mom had tears in her eyes. I don't know for a fact but I think she did.. knowing my mom.. it sounds about right.
After they put me back in my room, it all became a blur.
I remember people coming. I could not tell you who came first, middle, or last. I could tell you who was there but I couldn't tell you when they came or what they said or what they did. I know each and everyone of them held her. I know at some point Zak fed her. I didn't want to try breast feeding right then. I was still unsure if I even wanted to breast feed. I knew I was going to try but just not there, when everyone was around.
According to my mom the moments after I had her:
I was being rolled down the hallway and I said "its really a girl!" Then they took me into the room and made my mom and lauren wait until I was all set up and ready for other people. They came in and I was out of it. The meds had put me in lala land. I was itching real bad and they gave me bynadryl which really put in lala land. She said, while people were there I would answer their questions, I was smiling, but I def was in my own world. I remember things but they all blur together.
After everyone left the nurse came in and gave/showed us how to bathe her. This is when the meds started to wear off and I was more with it. She had her first bath! Then when she combed her hair. OH HER HAIR! She had this natural mohauk just sticking straight up! She was so clean and fresh looking. She was chunky, I remember seeing her rolls when they bathed her. Zak standing there, taking it all in. She was chunky, with dark hair, a small little nose, small little ears, perfection to say the least! PERFECTION! (
third, and most important, prayer that God answered!)
(this is right after her first bath)
The next few days consisted of me in the bed, holding her, feeding her, getting up to pee, trying to sleep, and visitors. Nurses and family. Friends and more family. One by one they came, they saw, the left. Each night I sent her to the nursery. I knew it would be our last nights of rest. Then they would bring her back in first thing in the morning. They would wake me and I would try to breast feed. She would get some but I just didn't have much milk. They said it could change just keep trying. I had a lady come in and take pictures of her. I had people come in for paperwork. I had time to just sit there and look at her. Really look at her. She was mine. ALL MINE..
No one told me I was allowed to change her clothes. I was a knew mom, did not have friends with babies, and never thought to ask. So, all my pictures consist of her in this shirt. They changed the shirt of course but it is always this same shirt. Also, I don't have all the cute photos that people now a days have. I wasn't thinking about photos at the moment. I was just enjoying my family, friends, and new baby girl. I do have photos though, and with some editing from the talented mom, I am sure some of these can be more beautiful than they already are.
Then the day came to go home. August 15th 2007. We dressed her in her coming home dress but then we were confused on how to buckle her in the carseat with that dress on. So we changed her. I think they forgot about me because they said she was realsed and I was released and then no one ever came back in to check on us. Zak put her in the carseat, we had to change her out of her coming home dress because we could not figure out how to buckle her in the carseat with a dress. We walked her down the hallway, checked out, and drove home. Zak drove slow since he was so nervous with her in the car. I sat in the seat hurting from every bump in the road that we hit. Then we arrived home and our life began!
